Week Three: The Lounge and Kaff Bar

Week Three: The Lounge and Kaff Bar

 Two new places in one week, what a nutter! One was a tapas restaurant in Balham and the other was a 'scene' bar called Kaff Bar in Brixton which involved a man in a gorilla suit djiing.

 Special guests this week involve Mike Gravestock (the financier), Josh Beebee and Will Matthews who had the pleasure of my company at Lounge.  Sarah Collins and Maisie Hancock were the lucky guests at the Kaff Bar.


Summary of The Lounge

Name: The Lounge Spanish Tapas bar
Type: Restaurant
Location: Balham, London
Website: http://www.thebalhamlounge.co.uk/
Date Visited: 22/1/14
Price: Ask Dad (moderate he tells me)
Rating: 3/5

Review

  I had heard rumours that the food was exceptional and the service even better due to the lack of customers in the establishment.  It was true to form with only two French guys in the restaurant upon arrival drinking wine.  Thank God both me and Dad booked a table, gag.  There was only one beer tap on show with it suitably labelled San Miguel, only for us to subsequently be told that it was actually Kronenburg as they had changed it due to popular customer demand. It seemed a questionable decision for the Spanish Tapas Bar. Nevermind, the Frenchies paid up and left us to it, with only our table remaining in the restaurant and that was how it remained for the whole evening.  Food was delightful and the service unsurprisingly efficient. Atmosphere was non-existent even with my sublime anecdotes to liven things up.  Alas, the atmosphere and the poorly labelled beer tap means I can only give this a middle of the road 3.

Summary of the Kaff Bar

Name: Kaff Bar
Type: Bar and food
Location: Brixton, London
Website: http://www.kaff-bar.co.uk/
Date Visited: 23/1/14
Price: Well priced
Rating: 4/5

Review

When you walk into a bar and you are greeted by a DJ dressed in a gorilla costume and a bingo night hosted by a Tina Turner impersonator, you know it's going to be unique.  This bar is EDGY! Now I am not one to moan about prices or let it affect my judgement but the bingo is free!  It's was a bit of a free for all (no pun intended) but the prizes included a Supersoaker and Johnson's baby oil. Can't argue with that.  We didn't win but don't fret there was the guess the music pop quiz round hosted by the Gorilla who seemed fairly charged and was sweating an ungodly amount.  Didn't win that round either unfortunately.  To summarise, this bar does this bingo night once a month and its awesome.  Next one is February 20th (I think), if you are not tied down, do it!

Poem Advice:

There may have been no atmosphere
But the Lounge's food is great
One thing that is for sure
Don't go there for a date

If you like a Gorilla DJiing
along with Tina Turner
Then go to the Kaff for Bingo
It's certainly a slow burner


See you next week fans and I'll leave you with a picture of the Gorilla DJ bossing it.

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Week Two: Rextail

Week Two: Rextail

  Second week of January and I got the new place done on the Monday night thanks to my father who takes me out for dinner every time he is down in London for business....tidy.   William Wright, Jamie Collins and Sonia (my father's wife) joined my father and I for dinner at the Rextail restaurant in Green Park and it was glorious.

  Do I have any tales of hilarity? Unfortunately not, as it was a civilised meal with good wine and exceptional banter.


Summary of the place

Name: Rextail
Type: Restaurant, bar and grill
Location: Green Park, London
Website: http://www.rextail.co.uk/
Date Visited: 13/1/14
Price: Ask Dad (Expensive)
Rating: 4/5

Review

  With the background music almost certainly the same music used in The Godfather, accompanied with the waiter with a thick Italian accent speaking very little English and with us being the only people in there....I did feel that we could be the victim of a 'hit' at any moment.  Enough of the jokes.

  In all seriousness, the food was exceptional.  For starters I was on the crab salad which could easily of been passed off as a main, followed by the best steak I've had this year (gag).  Couldn't tell you what I had for dessert I am afraid although I remember it being nice.  I have never been a dessert man.  To finish off this business changing review I will say the red wine was an exceptional drop and followed on nicely from the Boston Lagers I had upon arrival.   Right Benefits Street is on so I must dash and leave you with my wise poem advice for the week:

Poem Advice:

Go to Rextail if you've got the cash,
I strongly recommend the side of mash,
But if this month the money's tight
Eat somewhere else on that night



See you next week fans

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Week One: Embargo

Week One

First week in 2014 and it was a dull one.  January unfortunately is the month where everyone decides to become total morons for 31 days.  The term 'dry Jan' dominates news feeds and whoever is doing them bloody loves to tell you about it.  I hate dry Jan.

This week I went to Embargoes, it aint cheap!

Summary of the place

Name: Embargo

Type: Nightclub
Location: Embargo 59, 533 Kings Road, London, SW10 0TZ

Website: http://www.embargo59.com/

Date Visited: 11/01/2014

Price: Expensive

Rating: 2/5

Review

To be fair the review of 2/5 is a little harsh as I did leave before midnight and I was rather inebriated.  Blame the neat whisky for that. Lad lad lad.  Went to Jam tree first just around the corner, which I have already been to before, it's ok, not as good as the Clapham Jam Tree though.

Why the low review? Firstly, entry to the nightclub was £15, that is outrageous.  Secondly, two G + T's came to £27, that at the time seemed rather extortionate. There wasn't many people there, again it was before 12 so cant complain too much, and I wasn't overly impressed with the venue.  I don't think the venue matches the price tag.

  Overall, I wouldn't recommend the venue but in its defence it hadn't got busy and it hadn't properly kicked off.  I also didn't give it a fair crack as I was in there for under two hours. That said you've got to keep the Partyman interested.

Probably will go back again and give it a proper go.  Advice: If you do go here make sure you get tanked up heavily before going to reduce costs.  Aggressive pre lash is what I would suggest. 

See you next week fans

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The Rules

The Rules

So last year (in 2013 in case people are currently reading this as a piece of literary genius in the future) I went to a new place every week and have decided to continue doing this for the rest of my life.  Now this is probably going to be the most boring thing anyone will read but a few friends and family members have suggested to write a blog.  So here it is and if you are reading this you are about to join me on the great adventure I go through every week.  If possible I strongly recommend you do it as well as it keeps things interesting and means you keep things fresh.

The main reason for this blog is so I have a record of every place I have been to as I can't remember any of them.

Now onto the rules of this:

The week is from Monday to Sunday rather than the traditional format of Sunday to Saturday.  Only found out last week that was how it was anyway.  Ridiculous.

Definition of new place - A place of social activity basically. For instance a restaurant, bar, nightclub, cafe, museums, stadiums, etc....  A shop or a place of business does not count so going to Primark is not allowed as a new place.

Other rules - You cannot go to a different chain of something if you have already been to one of them before.  e.g. if you have never gone to the Starbucks in Tooting but you have been to a Starbucks before then that does not count as a new place.

There you have it folks fairly simple.  Now we go.

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