Week Thirty One
Hello again fans. Let's just get straight into it. This week involved four new places with two of them on the Tuesday night (maverick!) and the other two were a few places we went to on a Saturday pub crawl. All had varied performances. One place in particular was horrific.
Special guests include: Chris Kroeger, Charlie Hayter, Tom Maynell, Freddie Dixon, Tom Wright and my biggest fan (Chris Hazell)
Special guests include: Chris Kroeger, Charlie Hayter, Tom Maynell, Freddie Dixon, Tom Wright and my biggest fan (Chris Hazell)
Summary of The Porterhousse
Name: Porterhouse
Type: Pub
Location: 21-22 Maiden Lane, London, WC2E 7NA
Date Visited: 05/08/14
Price: fair
Rating: 3.8/5
Review
Do not come here intoxicated as I fear you will never get out alive. The place is just one huge maze. Porterhouse proudly boasts being the biggest pub in London with it situated over 12 floors and they are probably not wrong to be fair. It is difficult to convey just how confusing this place is but I'll give it a try. The Porterhouse has barely any natural light leading to it being extremely dark, there are also numerous staircases which just lead to dead ends and it all just looks so similar. The whole venue is rather confusing.
Upon arrival I set off for the toilets and it took me around 10 minutes to get there and about 15 minutes to return to the bar where the rest of the group were. I am convinced there are still people there who entered the place drunk and have now been there for weeks, still unable to find the exit.
The Tardis of London pubs
The reason we were at the Porterhouse was because it was another old school boys evening and we were having a few drinks before heading out for dinner. I do really like this pub as it has a good atmosphere and serves good beer with a great variety. The decor inside is pretty cool too.
We weren't there long unfortunately as dinner awaited, so we had to make tracks after only a couple of drinks. Shame but I'll definitely come back to this place again as it had a proper pub feel to it and I quite like the challenging aspect of working out how to get to certain places in the venue.
Summary of Shake Shack
Name: Shake Shack
Type: Popup burger restaurant
Location: Covent Garden, 24 Market Building, The Piazza, London, WC2E 8RD
Date Visited: 05/08/14
Price: Ok
Rating: 2.8/5
Review
Charlie Hayter had organised another old boys dinner which was attended by me, him, Kroeger, Dixon, Maynell and my biggest fan (Chris Hazell). Shakeshack was the destination.
This place comes with a lot of hype and an international reputation for serving some of the best burgers around. I thought it was good but nothing special and as you all know....I like a burger. The Shakeshack is a little popup restaurant opened in Covent Garden and is right in the mix of it all. The queue is fairly efficient but the staff were fairly rude and poor I thought. Admittedly I greeted the staff member in French and thanked her in Spanish but for her to openly laugh in my face and give me jip with her colleague, I thought was unfair, unprofessional and embarrassing for myself.
This wasn't the only faux pas of the evening. It took them a considerable amount of time to get me my order, which I remain convinced was due to my multilingual ordering style earlier on. Anyway after the drama of ordering, the food was in front of me and it was time to crack on with eating.
I had gone for the double Smokestack burger, cheese fries, a beer and a black & white milkshake. This was too much for me in the end. The burger, fries and the beer (obviously) was easily dispatched but it was the milkshake which produced the big stumbling block. The milkshake isn't a milkshake....I've had more drinkable ice cream. That said it was delicious but too sickly so after 4 mouthfuls/sips it was difficult to do anymore. I must say the burger itself along with the fries were superb but it was certainly not the best burger in London.
This is where ShakeShack is
Another thing which I found disappointing with this place was where you have to eat. The eating room had the same atmosphere, look and feel of the waiting rooms you get at train stations when it's too cold to stand on the platform. No atmosphere and offensively light.
In conclusion this place had bloody good food, poor service, average atmosphere and the eating facilities were dros. All of that for £24....I'm not too sure if it's worth it. Is it harsh for me to call it a posh McDonald's?
This was at Punch and Judy afterwards. This is the eating group minus Freddie. Oh yer that's WKD
Summary of The Rookery
Name: The Rookery
Type: Pub
Location: 69 Clapham Common South Side, London, SW4 9DA
Website: http://www.therookeryclapham.co.uk
Date Visited: 09/08/14
Price: Pretty expensive
Rating: 3.25/5
Review
Saturday had arrived and myself, Tom Wright and my biggest fan (Chris Hazell) fancied a few beers (what are you like?) as the sun was out. Not wanting to venture too far out of our comfort zone we agreed to go to a few watering holes along the Clapham Common.
The first one was the Rookery which is a pub I had wanted to visit for a while, as I've heard good things and driven past it many times. The place itself is actually quite small but it is pretty cool inside with a good selection of beers and a nice outside area.
This however is also its biggest fault. The outside area, which to be fair they can do nothing about, is situated in between Clapham South tube and Clapham Common tube. Effectively it is situated on the busy road called the Clapham South Side if my memory (google) serves me correct. This means that although the weather was glorious and we were sitting outside drinking the highly sought after Becks Vier, it meant we had the traffic blaring behind us meaning it didn't have the most tranquil feel to it.
The Rookery with the 'busy' and 'noisy' road clear to see
Critics among you will say that is evidently clear before you enter the venue and is a choice you decide to make as a paying customer when you go there. 100% correct and is why I can't criticise it too much but it is the main reason as to why The Rookery isn't considered one of the 'greats' in Clapham.
Definitely worth a visit and I didn't sample the food which again I have been told is fairly decent.
Summary of WC
Name: WC (Wine & Charcuterie)
Type: Wine & Charcuterie Bar
Location: Clapham Common South Side, London, SW4 7AJ
Website: http://wcclapham.co.uk
Date Visited: 09/08/14
Price: Horrific
Rating: 0.8/5
Review
This place is toilet (see what I did there) and deserves the crown of being the worst place I have been to in 2014. I cannot see a place beat this god awful thing. This could work in shoreditch as an edgey bar but in Clapham it just comes across as pretentious and to put it bluntly...rubbish.
It does have an outside area, which we decided not to sit in, so we headed downstairs as it was getting a bit cold. Chris and Lefty found a free table while I headed to the bar. I was quickly joined by them as they were rudely told to leave the table by a member of staff as it was clearly booked. Clearly? Where was the reserved sign mate?
I chose not to respond and instead ordered 2 beers and an ale for Tom Wright (he loves an ale). The beers were red stripe (No choice in the matter) and were served in cans along with an empty half pint glass. Tom's ale was also served in a half pint. I didn't mind too much as we had had a few but when I was told that it came to £15 (£5 each for those slow on maths) I couldn't hide my despair. Seconds later two guys arrived and told us they had reserved the two stools at the bar we were standing next to. The barman confirmed this so we had to move again, with our stupid little beers standing in the middle of the entrance to this offensive establishment.
No we're not giants, these are us holding our 'full' beers.
A table for 2 became free and a member of staff asked us to sit at the table. We politely informed them that we were ok as there was three of us. He insisted that we had to sit down, so me and Chris were forced to sit at this table while Tom awkwardly towered next to us.
One of us made a comment about how poor this place was, only for a waiter overhear us and strongly say 'its a restaurant not a bar!' A restaurant where no one was eating. We finished our drinks and left. I will never return.
Maybe we missed the point and I'm being harsh but I don't think so. WC is meant to be this 'trendy' place in what was the old toilets behind the Clapham Common tube station. It isn't trendy and the fact it used to be toilets is very fitting indeed.
Special Shoutout
Winner: Charlie Hayter
This man deserves a shout for a number of reasons. Firstly, he has been key to the new places I have been to in recent times as he organises the mid week dinners and constantly recommends new places for me to try. Secondly, the man has just got a contract to play for England 7's for the whole year playing all over the world. Fair play mate, great effort. Not bad for someone who looks like Louis Theroux when he puts his glasses on.
Poem Advice
Never been on the Crystal Maze
but wanted to give it a try
The porterhouse is the closest you'll get
but you could get lost and die
Fancy the guilt pleasure of Mcdonalds
but can't handle the shame
Shake Shack is the posh version
But the service is poor and lame
The Rookery is good but noisy
but its not from the clientele
still a very classy pub
which considering the location is swell
Toilet by name
Toilet by nature
Toilet by name
Toilet by nature
Never been on the Crystal Maze
but wanted to give it a try
The porterhouse is the closest you'll get
but you could get lost and die
Fancy the guilt pleasure of Mcdonalds
but can't handle the shame
Shake Shack is the posh version
But the service is poor and lame
The Rookery is good but noisy
but its not from the clientele
still a very classy pub
which considering the location is swell
Toilet by name
Toilet by nature
Toilet by name
Toilet by nature
Not quite as joyous and happy as usual in this week's blog. The places weren't up to the usual high standard.
Thanks again for reading guys. Your support is and always will be much appreciated.
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See you next week fans
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